Opinion

Having Exhausted All Other Options, Obama Invites Biden Paddle Boarding

MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA — Following President Biden’s repeated refusals to back out of the presidential race, former President Barack Obama has reportedly invited Biden out for a nice quiet afternoon of paddleboarding.

Sources allege that Obama was reluctant to extend the offer, but has come to see it as the last option available to the Democratic party at this point, as Biden has remained adamant on keeping his candidacy even in the midst of significant pressure to step down from his own party.

“Hey, Joe old buddy? I didn’t want to have to ask this, but…uh…are you up for a spot of paddle boarding over at my place this afternoon?” Obama asked his former Vice President. “It’ll be just the two of us, all alone, nothing to worry about. I’ve got a lake property way out in the middle of nowhere — we’ll have a splash! We’ve already asked you to step down several times, but you just never seem to be amenable. Maybe we can just talk things over, you and me, on a couple of paddle boards out on the lake.”

“I’m sure we can come to an understanding.”

Staffers say that President Biden was reportedly “thrilled” to accept Obama’s offer and was quite flattered to see that he had been given the nice newly-waxed red paddle board.

At publishing time, Obama had been seen wiping tears out of his eyes and paddling back to shore after a two-and-a-half-hour excursion. President Biden is still nowhere to be found.

Babylon Bee subscriber Snack Plissken contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!


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